Today’s APRIL FOOLS Headlines

• Proposed Statewide Mandatory Helmet Bill For Park Users OK-ed by Nanny Unions
• Re-Count Shows Brad the Turtle Actually Second In Contested District 4 Election Run-Off
• Allied Public Toilet Alliance: 47% of L.A. Metro Elevators Smell Like Urine, Down From 2003
• Re:Code Reforms Bloodletting Requirements: Liters Instead of Pints, Where Communities Approve
• Council Motion Introduced To Change "Griffith Park" to "Griffith Parking"Councilmember Huizar's Whiny Response "But Where Are We All Going To Play?!?"
• Traffic Engineers, Still Using L.O.S., Were "Just Kidding About Dumping" Favored Metric
• The Source: 5 Freeway Widening Project Will "Decrease Surface Street Traffic"
• Mobility Plan: Street Widening OK, Makes Buildings Look Thinner, Feel More Energy-Efficient
• Metro Breaks Bike Share Pilot Into 104 Distinct Islands: "Now It's Really Regional"
• CicLAvia Pasadena Route Shortened to 0.982 Miles, Special Biking-OK Zones Announced

Real Serious Headlines Coming Mid-Day Today