Red Star Over Denver

8_4_10_commies.jpgMaybe we should have made the bike less obvious. Red bikes? And what’s with the communist star? Photo: Treehugger

Comrades,

I write to you with bad news.

Just as our campaign to undermine American society was beginning to bear fruit in places such as Irvine, Minneapolis and even the Capitol of this society, our plot has been revealed.

From an article by the Capitalist Associated Press article:

Maes made the comments at a rally where he criticized Democratic Mayor John Hickenlooper’s initiative to increase bicycling in the Denver through the bike-sharing program. B-Cycle allows people to use about 400 bicycles at dozens of stations around the city for a daily or monthly fee.

"This is bigger than it looks like on the surface, and it could threaten our personal freedoms," Maes said in comments that were first reported Wednesday by the Denver Post.

It’s true. Our plan to undermine American Freedom through devious bike sharing programs has been exposed. I will contact Comrade Gandy in Long Beach to see that he can travel safely. I will also contact товарка Greuel and inform her to stop talking about bike share less she be exposed.

Do not worry about me. I will continue to try to push communist bucket bikes on an unsuspecting populace using my adorable child as a prop. If you need to contact me, send coded messages through the Bike Share Blog.

Yours in the Revolution,

D

  • It seems we underestimated the laser-sharp perceptions of the American right wing.

    I now believe that these U.S.-based bike sharing schemes are fatally flawed, in part because of the deep-seated birthright of consumerism here.

    That is why I have created a plan to manufacture a new, no-frills bicycle that every citizen will be able to afford!

    It will be known as “The People’s Bike”.

  • Doug

    We must report back to the motherland, the architect of our vast conspiracy, on our failure! These agents of Reason, Prudence, Freedom and Conservatism have thwarted us again! What’s the email address for the North Korean UN Delegation, again?

    Success in this matter would have been assured had we not passed our other great deception and alerted them to our deviousness: Universal Healthcare!

  • Jody Litvak

    Comrade Olbermann has now fessed up as well:

    http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/3036677/vp/38585754#38585754

  • Vicky Pelaez

    15 июня 2010

    Московский Центр прислал в один миссия: проникнуть в политических кругах и уменьшить зависимость от американского автомобиля. Это было первоочередной задачей “Газпрома”. Нам удалось в плане велосипедов Денвер и наша миссия завершена. Мы будет разоблачена американское правительство быстро и депортирован в Москву.

  • ichabod

    Google translate would make that:

    Moscow Center sent a single mission: to penetrate the political circles and reduce dependence on the American automobile. It was a priority of Gazprom. We managed to plan a bike Denver and our mission complete. We will be exposed by the U.S. government quickly deported to Moscow.

  • David Galvan

    Curses! Will this affect our operation to plan big trouble for moose and squirrel?

    (great post, Damien!)

  • Spokker

    Some freedom.

    We drove to San Juan Capistrano from Anaheim today because, you know, they got rid of the Metrolink service. Freeway traffic was so bad that we decided to try city streets the rest of the way. 12 goddamn lanes and there’s still traffic on a Saturday.

    Anyway, Camino Capistrano was even worse. It was backed up for about a mile from where we wanted to be. Bumper to bumper, stop and go, all that. I see this guy on a bike and he’s passing all the cars that are backed up. We get to our destination and I actually see the guy walking around, haha. Seems to me like this guy had more freedom than we did.

    Bike + public transit would be a really good combo, but they get rid of all the transit and I’m too scared to ride a bike in the street.

  • skd

    The plot was making America reliant on petroleum and cars. Guess what, it worked. We now sit in traffic for 25% of our lives. We are less productive, much more agitated and aggravated. We have turned on ourselves.
    The Republican/Tea Baggers need to wake the f up. Either fund mass transit and bicycle programs or the great Capitalist America will come to grinding halt in gridlock.

  • Erik G.

    Genosse! Ve haf been discovered. Bitte to lay low for klein period. Return to be drinking massive quantities of das hugely-subsidized High Fructose Corn Syrup (NOT Cuban Sugar!) und purchasing of petroleum products from “Eternal Friends” in Saudi Arabia.

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